


Oh to be young, Free, and Flying high

by upsettyspaghetty456



Series: Six! Circus AU!! [2]
Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Angst, F/F, Help, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mentioned Anne Boleyn, Mentioned Catherine Parr, Mentioned Catherine of Aragon, Mentioned Jane Seymour, circus AU, no happy ending, still don't know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27184726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/upsettyspaghetty456/pseuds/upsettyspaghetty456
Summary: "For a few seconds, she feels like she's flying, the adrenaline wakes her up and makes her feel alive."Katherine is struggling again. Her mind is racing and it's not slowing down anytime soon.
Relationships: Anne of Cleves/Katherine Howard
Series: Six! Circus AU!! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1984375
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	Oh to be young, Free, and Flying high

**Author's Note:**

> Hehehe I'm back! 
> 
> I've got NO CLUE how to work AO3 and I'm trying to figure out how to add things to a collection so I apologise in advance if this gets reuploaded😂😂😂
> 
> let me just say, this gets very VERY angsty and Katherine, baby, I'm so sorry.
> 
> I'm not too sure what I actually want to do with this AU, however, I promise that there will be at least ONE fluffy chapter/fic/thing to make up for all the angst!

She stands at the edge of the platform eyes closed, mind racing and her thoughts reeling as she reaches a hand out for the bar although she knows it isn’t going to be there, muscle memory kicks in as she squats down slightly her other hand that’s still clinging onto the platform twitches. She takes a few deliberate and slow breaths before she opens her eyes and looks down. That’s her first mistake. Her thoughts had calmed down but now, they are racing again. She gives herself another few seconds to get into the ‘safe’ position (God, she’s the only one here and Katherine can still hear Jane telling her to be careful) then, she jumps. For a few seconds, she feels like she's flying, the adrenaline wakes her up and makes her feel alive. That’s funny, she’s jumping from a fifteen-foot-high platform to feel alive. 

Wow. She’s screwed up. 

Katherine lets herself get lost in the feeling of falling for about half a second and then her muscle memory kicks in, God damn it, why won't her body just let her fall! She almost relaxes as her reflexes take over; her legs snap together as her arms cross over her chest “I guess I’m landing on my back this time, huh” she thinks as she hits the safety net. She just simply lies there for a few seconds, or maybe it’s few minutes she's not exactly sure but when Katherine decides to get up, her muscles and limbs are aching, and her mind is racing again. 

She groans as she climbs the rope ladder to the platform, this is always the most strenuous part, getting up there. She must admit, it is nice to be able climb the ladder at her own speed, normally she's racing the clock and meeting her partner halfway up with around four hundred people watching them but for now, she’s alone. 

When she reaches the final rung of the ladder, Katherine wants to let go and fall back “not yet, you’ll fall you, idiot, there’s no net to catch you over here” so she pulls herself up onto the platform again. This time she doesn’t hesitate, she just jumps. During the fall, Katherine feels something slip. She feels the air switch as she flips mid-fall. Her landing is slightly sloppy, she lands flat on her stomach and doesn’t wait as long before she gets up and starts to climb the ladder again. She repeats this little routine four more times. She’s on her way up the ladder for the fifth time when the door slowly creaks open, Katherine doesn’t stop climbing. 

A man is standing watching her climb, Katherine knows she should recognise him, but her brain won’t focus for longer than ten seconds, plus the light that flooded into the room when the mystery figure opened the door is starting to burn her eyes. She hardly has the energy to stand up on the platform then suddenly the world seemed to tilt on its side as she felt herself falling again and for the first time tonight, it scared her. 

“Are you even over the net Katherine? Are you falling right? Will this be the time that you finally break your neck? do you really care?” 

Despite all of Katherines fears, she does not scream. 

Time seemed to slow down, and she swears she’s falling for a solid ten minutes, so you can imagine her relief when she finally hits the net. She’s tired, that’s an understatement, she’s exhausted, so you’ll understand why it takes her a few seconds to process the new dip in the net as the onlooker climbs up beside her. 

“Katherine, come on, you can’t sleep here” 

She knows that voice, it reminds her of home. 

“’m tired though” 

she doesn’t know when she started slurring her words and it is frustrating, she sounds so young and vulnerable. She hates it. She hates herself for feeling like this. She hates herself. 

“ok, come on, I'll carry you?” 

Anna! She’s ANNA, she’s her girlfriend, she’s safe, Katherine is safe. Katherine vaguely remembers getting picked up and carried down from the safety net and into the car, she’s asleep by the time they make the ten-minute journey home. In the morning Katherine will wake up and wonder how Anna knew where she was, and she’ll have to explain why she was repeatedly jumping from the trapeze platform but for now, she’ll sleep in the arms of her very own safety net. 

The next morning, Katherine woke up at six.

The first thing that she noticed is that her arms and legs are aching, she was still in her 'normal' clothes and she had her trapeze grips on? That doesn't make any sense though.  
When Katherine sat up properly, she realised that she was covered in something that looked suspiciously like... chalk? 

“what the hell happened last night” she wonders aloud.

“I was hoping you could tell me” Anna replied from the doorway, she was smiling, but she didn’t mean it, her eyes were full of disappointment.

She had a cup of what smelled like coffee in one hand and a plate of toast in the other. 

“breakfast in bed? I must have been bad last night” Katherine joked with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes as she got up to take the coffee and toast from Anna's hands.

When she stood up, the world started spinning in ways that it really shouldn’t be. Katherine lurched sideways clinging onto the bedside table as if it were the only thing keeping her upright (at this point it was, to be honest) Anna quickly put the coffee and toast down on the chest of drawers and rushed to her girlfriend's side.

“Hey, hey, easy now, go back to bed Kath, I'll bring it over to you” Anna smiled that strange smile again. It's the same smile that Katherine shoots Lina when she asks "How was practise today, Katherine"? and she always answers "It was good Lina, really good" even when she had fallen five or six times during the first hour. 

Breakfast did not take long considering she only ate about two bites of her toast, then she was forced to run into the bathroom and throw up. Katherine didn’t want to risk the coffee, so Anna went down to the kitchen to get her a glass of water, which she was now sipping cautiously.

“so...” Anna trailed off. 

“so.... what?” Katherine can’t look her in the eye. 

“Why the hell were you at the training centre at half-past eleven” Anna looks at Katherine, then she looks away again.

Katherine feels her eyes start to tear up at that. There is no anger in Annas' voice, just concern. 

Katherine feels terrible again, she caused that worry, if she wasn’t here, Anna wouldn’t be worrying about anything, she made that wonderful, genuine smile that normally occupies her face disappear. Katherine did that, and Katherine hates herself for it. 

Katherine wants to run. Katherine NEEDS to run. The walls are too close, the room is too small. 

“Katherine” Anna once again looks at Katherine.

'shut up', Katherine thought. 'You know nothing'

“Katherine?”

'I said shut up!' She thought again. 'You know NOTHING'

“KATHERINE” Anna yelled this time

“SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!” Katherine's hands reach up to tangle in her already messy hair as she screws her eyes shut tight. 

Anna goes quiet. All that Katherine can hear is her own laboured breathing. Anna reaches over and softly places a hand on Katherine's shoulder and Katherine bolts out of the room. Anna does not follow her.

Katherine runs and runs and runs. She runs until she reaches the building shes looking for. Katherine feels a strange sense of calm fill her as she climbs the steps to the roof. There is no Jane to tell her to warm up. There is no Lina to ask how practice went. There is no Cathy to distract her from her thoughts with tales of Greek Mythology and astrology. There is no Annie to talk her down, tell her that she's being stupid. And finally, there's no Anna to tell Katherine that shes loved and that she's not a disappointment. If Anna was here, Katherine can imagine what she'd say "Come on Kit, come down. We can watch mean girls, listen to Matilda, count ALL of the stars tonight. We can do anything you want to, all you have to do is come down". But like Katherine already knew, Anna was not here. Anna didn't care. No one cares.

As she stands at the edge of the platform eyes closed, her mind racing and her thoughts reeling as she reaches a shaky hand out for the bar although she knows it is not going to be there. 

“Finally, peace at last” Katherine thinks. Then she jumps for the last time and there will be no net to catch her.


End file.
